I don't have the guts to face the class- especially the Teach- again after our horrid presentation. Yes, I just came out of my Poli Sci class short of crying. It's beyond horrible really; imagine a puppet show by college students- Imagine college peeps watching an incompetent pupet show! We procrastinated, yes, but I can't believe it could be this bad. I was holding every tidbit of emotion a while back, but not now that I'm in Faura Lab once again! I can spill every drop of puke I've been holding back! I'm going to obsess about the freakin' failure- the grand fiasco!

Nah, not really.

I don't feel that bad. Dianne, on the other hand though, suffered a paroxym of resentment and mortification. I think she's aiming for an A. I do too but I'm ok with a B or a B+- please get me a B+! We figured it best not have classes with our Poli Sci classmates next sem. Anyway, turn on laid back mode... I feel bad about disappointing our teacher. She seemed genuinely interested- well at least initially- in our presentation. Also, most peeps in the group have an A or B+ standing. She was expecting something brilliant from us, I feel like I could have done better to prove myself!

At least I'm still in my usual okay mode- should have a name for this one. Yep, I feel good about finishing this week. I couldn't pull everything off quite brilliantly though because they were a lot! Yes, I could've scheduled every moment but, oh okay, why didn't I? Our Theo presentation yesterday went a little better than the one I had this morning. It's still one bad though- damn the audio system in SSAVR! Despite the these, I had fun in our group eclats both in Poli Sci and Theo.

...

Now, on with the good news!

Mom and Dad will be home for some weeks. I think they're preparing everything before my Sis get to fly to Oregon (?) next week. They will miss her definitely- even Manang told me she'll miss my sis despite her.. oh well. Regardless of our open war, I think I'll be missing her contribution to the burgeoning noise pollution care of our neighbors.

I think I'll be preparing living alone for some five years. Well, make it forever. Indepence? We'll see... I will get to cook for myself (!), wash the clothes, clean the house, etc, etc. I feel like growing up again! That won't happen right away though- but I'm okay with the prevailing array of everything.

I'd love to try independence 'coz I really have a lot of catching-up to do with fellow kids in that aspect of maturity. Okay, that sounds not so nice. Uhm, I'd like to try living alone and independent to grow. Okay, that sounds like something directly out of a how to live your life manual. I want to live, experience everything I haven't done before, I want to learn about life the way my mom and dad did- even more than they did. Another step. Idols, prepare for me!

It's quite ironic to realize that once you get yourself involved with the world in the picture in your mind, you start to to sense that pang of separation.

It doesn't happen very often now probably because of the incessant inundations of "concerns" from this world- of me, my business. It happened when I had to put up a fight enduring the solitary train ride back home. It's totally odd to sense that big gap or that huge wall between us (I mean us people) when we're actually counting ourselves part of what we behold. It would've have been more proper to actually be glad after beholding such holiness. I had that feeling, but now I feel otherwise.

That may perhaps be the reason why I rationalize too much of my inanity- that it keeps me sane, happy, blah, blah, blah. I think I'm actually trying to run away from the real world. That perhaps viewing everything as a separation from myself would help hide the what I really feel. And it sucks big time. I should return again to that story that I convinced myself mine.

I wouldn't say it was about the damned exam, having the only person without a group yet, or chemical imbalance from the tons of chocolates I had yesterday. No, though I can say that they forced me remember that; that desire to determine everything acknowledging nothing of their truth, that desire to make the world your own again- as thought it was once. That pubescent anxiety. I think this is the reason for the semblance of aloofness despite the integration of what I really behold.

I am. Together yet separate. Holding back yet moving forward. Known yet invisible. I am is a paradox. Even in its most casual sense, how you understand the phrase depends on how you see yourself and what you behold.

...

I don't really have the luxury of time but I feel that I should write about such maudlin sentiments. I haven't done any of my assignments. I really feel so ugh- it's so bad that I don't even have the word for it. I feel so unmotivated.

I envy people with eyes intent on their paths- the ones you see on the streets who practically don't care too much about what's happening around- the ones who seem to have somewhere to go. Whereas I, when walking with this crowd, take glimpses of their faces, admire them, and then move on aimlessly.

It really seems that way when I'm in this state. Then again, it's probably my frustration because I do sense some general direction. I realize that I always end my entries with this kind of dichotomy- to the point of contradiction. Fascinating.

As the title says, I spent the whole of yesterday in school! Twas all group work the whole day! I had to meet my Poli Sci groupmates in the morning and my Theo group in the afternoon. All in all, I think I only got an hour to eat my lunch- Luckily Cez entertained me for the whole one hour- otherwise I would have had to eat in total silence and solitude. My groups for both subjects were not the super serious type so I really enjoyed working with them.

The morning Poli sci meeting was fun. Aside from the sporadic comments about our everyday college life- which was really fun- we got to talk about how we were supposed to present our report- creatively that is. Our ideas went from wearing muslim attire to mimicing the Abu Sayaff to presenting a sort of Oprah show. Our teacher assigned Muslim Seccessionism (Philippine context) as our topic.

The first idea came from an exhibit type of reporting. We thought about showing pictures in different booths then explaining them. We thought it would be brilliant to pose as statues per booth then when the class is about to go to a booth, one of us would be animated to report everything about the pictures. I actually like the idea of pretending to be terrorists- brandishing an M16 and holding it to my teacher's head. We thought about mimicing gunfires as the class enters the dark room- then all of a sudden we're holding or dragging our teacher to the podium for everyone to see- then get on with the reporting. Now that I write about I realize that it's not so funny at all. I wonder why we laughed so hard about it. It's the third idea that I like most. One of us would be impersonating Oprah or our local Krissy. Her guests would be Nur Missuarri and Hashim Salamat- then they would be responsible for discussing details of our report. I think we agreed on what to do, I just forgot what it was.

Then there's luch. Was getting quite panicky about not having the script to be used later in the afternoon. See, we were supposed to do a sort of soap opera to present our short story. We had to film in short. Luckily, my groupmates were not that mad seeing that I didn't have the script. Hubes- which I confused with Aubz about some ten times 'coz aside form their names both ending in ert, they really have similar presence- and I wrote everything down. Was really cool seeing groupmates having fun filming the short story despite the rain (awfully non-stop) and fatigue. We failed to finish all the scenes yesterday. We got to shoot 5 our of seven scenes. I hope Rosy would be satisfied... It was about commitment by the by.

I was expecting a get-together with Ka and Ken again but I figured to just get home and rest. It turned out that Ken was tired too and Ka was grounded. I got home around 7 (?) then whoa my sis was all dressed up. She was about to leave for a reunion with her highschool friends. I was rather all happy about having the house for myself yesterday- was all quite and in no time I dozed off. So this was saturday.

...

We will be having a long test tomorrow and I haven't started anything at all! Oh! I've downloaded the slides- super dami!- that's something right!? Anyway, After that damn long test we'lll be finishing our shoot for the theo thing. Then there's the report for Poli Sci, the tons of readings for Philo, and the Supply Chain homework. Where to start?

I will definitely need some major relaxation after this week. Anyone up for a movie this weekend?

Whoa! It's been a week already since my last update. It's been one helluvaweek again. Much have been up that I never had the time to doodle here. I've had a lot inspiration lately that would have made a nice entry but because of the workload I wasn't able to. Well, this week wasn't really a hell week- it's actually the bum week with the exception of two exams and my everyday Ethics readings.

I'm in Faura lab again. Got some trouble with the lab-lady (well, I don't know what to call her), it seems that she based my hours-for-computing on just a single receipt. Since I'm on installment, she got confused whether to consider my latest receipt or not. Got the trouble to wait while she dialed the accounting dept. Anyway, I'm here so there's no need to dwell on that.

Saturday. I had a party with the kids we're tutoring in Kaingin. It was really fun seeing their grannies do the Ocho-ocho. It was not a usual tutoring day, aside from the party, I got that cheery mood. I got to laugh a lot. It was rather weird- thinking of it now- 'coz I rarely have a laugh with the Kaingin crowd. Oh, by the way we don't burn trees oki? I should really know why the Kaingin's the name though. Ugh, educate me. Anyone? I always wonder if the kids benefit from our tutoring- do they really learn? Or are we just trying to convince ourselves that we're actually helping. Hmm, social justice through education. Honestly, I think what we're doing's very small. I don't see palpable gain on their part. Someone enlighten me.

We got back to school at around 430- don't say ish- and got a group picture eclat. I swear the pictures would look as if everyone's a friend to each other. Pose then we're friends- isn't that great! Okay I'm turning quite bitter now so I'll stop.

Ka phoned me about the coffee later at ten with Ken. After his month-long tour throughout Europe I thought it's about time he shares his adventure. Was really excited. After some four hours of waiting, we went to Starbucks. Ok, really anyone now kill me! I've been there twice this month now. And I'm alreaday skint! I mean real skint! I had to borrow money from mom. Anyway, Ken showed us pictures of The Louvre, Amsterdam, and Rome. I really want to get there someday. Oh, they- with his cronnies I guess- also went to Polland, where the mansion in the Sound of Music was. His friends were all excited to explore the mansion but he wasn't- apparently he had no idea what The movie was about. He showed us the place where the I am Sixteen was sang. Kewl!

Ka shoved me some movies. And I got to watch everything last tuesday- rather than reading the tons of Philo readings for the next day. I'm quite sure I did have some stuff to say about the movies. I thought about publishing them but well, I was totally out of it that time. They were Erin Brocovich, Adaptation, and Love Actually. Was all good- especially the first one. Now, whenever I feel down, I just think well Erin Brocovich! Haha! I wonder if Ka's somehow manipulating me with the movies she lends. It has always been that I really need the lessons in the movies- like when she lent me Shawshank Redemption- among other movies. I'm sure I'm making this all up.

Munday was spent on nothing at all! Naturally I procrastinated studying for theo and Supply Chain later that night. And my gulay did I regret this! I was totally lost on our theo exam- bordering helplesness! And just don't talk about the SCM exam 'coz I definitely sucked. I'm doomed basically. So, right after that I had those three movies to comfort me. Ugh, get me a life.

I think it was Tuesday or Wednesday that I got to hang out at the Celadon table. And whoa! An unexpected infuriation happened. I was rather shocked to see this usually meek friend to just explode. And of course the usual me blamed himself about everything- thinking how expendable he was that anyone can just snap then ignore him. Surprise, surprise! It wasn't the case! Apparently there's some story beneath the irritation- and dear you'd be interested about the convulution of everything! I mean cat fight! this is high school all over again: complication and everything else about love and friendship! It was immature but cute in a way. Really funny seeing at least two cat fights this week- one's in the e-mail and one live! this is entertainment!

And just when I finished entertaining myself withthe movies- 'corz after meal and every nonsensical stuff I do at home- I realized that there'd be a quiz the next day! The usual Mags quiz! I got lazy and decided to study the morning after. And so on and so forth... Nothing quite radical happened this week. I was rather disappointed though coz I usually find something worth writing about every week. Oh there is something! But I won't mention it here 'coz it will utterly destroy my motive of keeping blessings to myself- it's really much effective than getting confidence from outside. Try it!

Oh! yesterday Ms. Rosy finally got into classmates' grey matter yesterday. Finally people started genuine articulation of their thoughts. See, it's usually the pretty- let's call her drunk barbie- girl at my left who gets recite everytime Rosy wants thoughts from the class. I guess it was the topic that stimulated peeps- commitment what else?! Just to be more precise, it was about the concept of promise- of forever- that is in question. And whoa! I could have formed a heartbreak club right then and there! Poor me never got to participate- I was afraid that my notion of love- especially the romantic kind, which was by the way everyone had analogized with Christian commitment- was way below the trade. Yep, my love life has not progressed ever since the high school thing. Well, I'm welcoming anything now so I guess that's good. Anyone?

And now, I'm here at Faura lab wondering if what I've written would even make sense someday. Foo is an expression of disgust. Oh! I got the "(!/?)" from Katipunan issue last last month. I thought it was rather brilliant so I put it here!

Yeah. It's just one of those weekends that I utterly feel down... down down. I feel like my life's going nowhere and I really don't like that. I feel very insufficient. I feel that I've let people down. I mean, I don't even have a freakin' five-year plan! And I'm already in my final year in college. I really have to do something about myself. I try, really, but it just seems that every move I make is either not enough or hindered by my everyday vices.

Yes, I don't have that five year plan my counselor asked me about. I do know what I want to do though, so I guess that's beacon in a dinstance. But still, I don't really know how to get there. And right now, with how I perform and everything, I don't think I can get to where I want to be. This is my only chance to get something worth all of me. And I'm SO frustrated.

I want to say I'm totally fucked up. But I'm really not. I do sense some blessedness that I'm really thankful of. Hell, I never have planned to live after 18- and I'm here. Though still quite amorphous, I have hope. My only chance of getting something really sublime out of this life is to get to where I want to be. And I'm not getting there.

It's not chemical imbalance. It has been a constant sentiment for the last two years. It's bugging me that I can't get the normal life which I really deem meaningful. Fuck it! I don't think my life's a curse or anything, it's just that if only I have been someone else, it would be a lot- a whole lot- easier. I used to overcome this depression, but it overwhelms me sometimes. God! I may be complaining a bit, but I'm still thankful. The first step and I'm already all the way down.

Hope. I still have a lot to do but I'm always hindered doing them. I'm really really trying here.

I met up with a Poli Sci groupmate this morning. Somewhere along interviewing certain muslim students, our conversation hit something like she's going to law school. That hit me! I thought, Wait she has a proper future laid out for her, sweet! I also wanted to study law because it seems there's a lot you can do after it. But I guess a C+ student just can't go after that ambition. I used to dream about being a lawyer. Anyway, this reminded me of my dream- not law of course (I'm over that already). I desperately wish to see a not so blurry future.

Then again, it's just me holding myself back- at least I'd like to think that way. I've so many fears, insecurities, and vices that make each step toward my goal difficult. I can work hard to get ther, I'd like to think that way. But, the way I see it now, it seems I'm still nowhere along the same path to my dream. I'm really down.

It must be the weekend.

I would have to be in my PM class two hours from now. I thought amassing my thoughts about the entire week into some creative lines would be great. I have been so un-hypocritical lately that people who'd been with me this week would probably be bored reading this. To those people whom I've been nice to, please read- please forgive me afterwards.

So much for "ooh I am writing something drastic!"- not a chance! Wahahaha! I would still doodle in my own foxy way. This is the right way. Yes, this is the right way- my mantra for blogging. Oh no, not that something completely out of place occured, it's just my thoughts that seem to shake my usual steadfast plastered smiles- and it's not just the smiles. So, indeed, I need this.

That's two paragraphs of introduction! What am I turning into. Please tell. This is absolute vanity. Warning!

It really pains me whenever I sense the slightest condescension on any people, especially to myself. My gulay, people too obsessed with encomiums for themselves may even be absolutely unconscious whenever they do this. The slightest air and I'm irritated- even to the point where I want to pluck their eyes out. Oh yes! I've been with such people lately. Don't get me wrong, they'ra a nice bunch, it's just that they have this way of turning you into an ant. Hope I can learn that in transfiguration class- curtesy of Mrs. Coulter. You know who you are! And I hate it- not you- when you make me feel like an ant. Get things straight and it would be better! I promise.

Or maybe it's just me? Probably not. Delusions seem to elude me these days. Whatever.

Second musing. It's not that I hate you but that you just don't communicate humanely? Ok, this one's a give away. Why the hell would cellphones have foul mouths? It's totally not necessary. You shoo away people then you wonder why they seem to hate you. It's the absolute opposite. Ugh! This is pubiscent. I am patient when it comes to friendship but smiling the next day usually freaks me out. Especially a grin- a horrendous one. Don't comment! You are not welcome! Oh and don't for a second think that the entire world needs you! That people beg for some favors from you! That you are being used or whatever.

It just gets too strong sometimes- that same anxiety I had back in high school. The same search for a comfortable place- which I used to despise. That perhaps not going there would've made me stronger. I "was" used to this kind of isolation but then I realize that the other way around is the only real way. *please read between the lines* I got that when I got out of high school- that was why I had a hard time moving on during the first 2 years of college. Now, I have it too but somehow I feel that I've built it too late. I'm off to a new road in a few months. I'm still thankful though.

Fourth. Maybe it's just me but I really think it's hard to find peeps you can really talk to- especially in this school. I know it takes time for bonds to ge strong- and really felt- but it just seems to impossible no matter how I try to reach out. I may be a part time intovert but I try. And I'm beginning to get tired. I don't feel isolation anymore, it's just that they have many walls around them and I can't climb high walls! So there I just look and see most of them "talk" to each other. Maybe 20 does something to everyone. The masks have been there for so long that they have a hard time taking it off. I mean it's them anyway. But... oh well.

My dream's so hard to fulfill that I'm stuck with my first step. Must move forward! Someone help me with this please!

...

I got my picture for the yearbook at last! And I was happy to see that the samurai poses- something un-me finally! As usual, the pictures were bad. By the way, I've never pulled off a nice pose or smile in my pictures. It's always my stunned/constipated face that registers however hard I try to look collected and happy. Ugh, anyway, I have to choose a formal and a creative pose for the yearbook.

Philo class was super this afternoon. I swear! I can listen to him non-stop for 4 whole hours! Sir David talked about how power shapes/control individuals, that we are in prison ultimately because we think we should behave, think, etc, etc, in certain ways prescribed by the powers that be. That's why psychology- as in the science- seems so powerful. It determines what should be. Anyway, hearing him talk about everything else is way more profound that summarizing major points in these gaudy lines...

Got to watch Shrek 2 and Shall We Dance finally- thanks to Andz. Shrek was hillarious- especially Puss in boots and the Pinocchio! Shall we ance reminds of myself! Wahahaha! I so get the point of trying something that makes you alive again. Okay enough with cheesiness.

Oh! I need some drastic thing to do with how how I look before graduation. I'm thinking about coloring my hair white. Imagine that! Can you give me other possible changes?

I was rather disappointed that my poli sci class today was a free cut. Not that I'm obsessed with the course- though I really like it- but that I was running from Katipunan train station to here! I endured the damned wait at the jeepney stop- waiting for peeps to fill the jeep! Afterwards, I ran all the way to Kostka only to find the door to our classroom locked. So I head off to Faura. James was there- why's he outside, I thought-then he told me that we had a free cut. I couldn't believe my ears so I checked the room- and whoa! The whole place was like a theater- restaurant setting yata... So he was right, we had a free cut. Dang it! I thought we're having the free cuts on wednesday and friday!

Of course I'm in the Faura lab again short of rotting. Well I guess I have to do something for another 2 hours if I want to maintain the little sanity I still have. Whatever. Blog! So yeah, I'm going to write about the weekend I guess.

Saturday wasn't the usual saturday. Instead of going to my usual afternoon area to tutor our grade 5 kids, I went to my groupmate's house to do our freakin' Project Management project- that really sounds stupid by the way. I was rather a bit bitter this day with them because I definitely wanted to go tutoring the kids- especially this saturday because they had an alternative class. This saturday was the only tutoring day we could have done some arty stuff. Really, ever since those kids told me about their dreams, I started having this sense of care for them.

Well, anyway, we did the PM thingy. I kept thinking, while we were waiting in the car for another group mate to arrive, that this would be my worst groupwork work this sem. I thought that I would never be on the same wavelength they were on. And, dear me, they got to work with each other last summer- for our practicum. I was like the total social pariah! I noted in my mind that I'd remember every detail- the bad happenings- of this group work. I thought that perhaps I could get some grim inspiration for writing another entry. But oh no! I really enjoyed most of the group work. I even enjoyed some of the jokes they performed- yes they were rather fond of this. Before, I had this notion that I'd never understand any of it. Luckily enough, there were only two members of the boy band (the term for the techi boys in our class) in our group. Had they been complete, I would have probably sulked in a corner and curse every joke they "perform". But dang it! I enjoyed the group work- despite the minuscule of work I did. Thanks guys.

Oh! By the way, thanks Ruray for not suceeding to intimidate me. This is not sarcasm. She told me they were Mensa members. I thought okay- as in the honest "ok". My group mates were Mensa members, and I'm the social pariah; sounds fascinating I thought. So there. Besides the fact that I don't believe her- and I'll confirm what she said to Andz later- I'm definitely okay with being what I am. Thank God I just watched Sky High yesterday. After our group work, I went straight home- but I sat in front of my pc until 4 am. Dang it! I should change this attitude.

I watched Sky High yesterday with Ka. The movie was okay but it wasn't great. It wasn't really a total waste of bucks. It's not that great, but it wasn't corny either. I still remeber the song I'll stop the world and melt with you- such a romantic way of saying you love someone. Freak! The movie somehow illustrates what most teens experience- is 20 still considered a teen? Haha! The movie really has some bad ideas when it comes to costumes and story lines. But then again, I guess it was their way of showing that the superhero stuff were comical- which was succesful I think. Anyway, she told me Ken just arrived from Germany last thursday(?) and the hell, he has no time for us? Are you reading this Ken? Have you turned into a german sociopath? Not that Germans are sociopaths, oh no. We had some coffee afterwards at Starbucks Binondo- Yeah! Kill me now! Kill me!- and talked about random stuff. Ka! we still don't have the 5 year plan my counselor recommended! What do we do now?

Whatever. *students fill the lab now- a bit noisy* I have to go to get my envelope from Char. Crap, I totally forgot about muslim secessionism. My poli sci group mates must me reading about it. I should too!!! Wah!!! I'm up for recitation tomorrow for Ethics class but I haven't read a single page of Foucault! Crap! Bye now. Tata!

Whenever I ride the train home, I always make sure that I'd take a seat inside the last car. I always make it a point to get to the last car even if I have someone with me who prefers the preceding cars. See, the Katipunan has to staircases leading to the same platform. People- at least most of the people I know- take the first set of stairs that ultimately leads to the first set of cars. The Second set leads to the last set of cars. Despite the chance to take the last car, people would often get to other cars before it.

Tonight, I took a seat in the middle car. This is a big deal.

I just got home actually. After the Amazing Interdepartment Race- which was the coolest thing this week!- I got to watch Bayan Bayanan. It was a play about OFWs in switzerland. I did not plan watching this play at all. Retcher accidentally told me they were required to watch it so I got the inckling to watch it. Also, since Ka and I figured there were no movies up in theaters worth watching, I thought this play would fill that empty space in my friday sched.

The play was initially funny- meaning boisterous humor and some honest laughter from the crowd. Eventually, the play gets into each character's "story" ('coz they were not really articulated) gathering depth and the inevitable show of the emptiness they feel outside their Bayan or country (somehow bayan is more felt). I think the main theme that summarizes the play is that of finding a home. The play applies this home to country definitely. But, oh no, this is not so much about the Philippines being some great country blah, blah, blah. Rather it's the idea that one finds the home in the country he belongs to. And, being away from this home, the characters try to mimic it by having a psuedo family of various OFWs who lives (thought not all of them) in the same roof- eating the same dinner. Basta, there's this sense of being a collective tantamount to being a family.

It's not the feeling of a country, but a feeling of having a sense of belongingness through some means that is emphasized all through out the play. The sense of love, of familiarity, and, especially, family, have been developed progressively. The characters either acknowledges, criticizes, escape, or even renounce all together these basic "atmosphere" that everyone really tries to find. The sense of nation- of bayan- conjures all these feelings. In a way, the title is good because the play doesn't directly apply the concept of bayan to what each characters look for- rather what images or feelings does bayan conjure up.

It's really awkward to see actors portraying yourself at the stage or when they somehow tap into that familiar emotions you've felt long ago- and still some residues today. Near the end of the play, the "prostitute" woman tried to dismiss the others' melancholy (wanting to go back to the Philippines) as weakness or immaturity, It striked me right away; I had that kind of attitude. Well, obviously, she was the one immature because she denied her need for such belongingness. And, as a result, she tires on to find it (love perhaps?) in short term relationships- one night stands to put it plainly. She has to defend her psyche of course, so puting her worldview in a pedastal- declaring it to be glorious, wise, practical and mature.

When the nurse in the play failed to marry her Italian boyfriend, it stricked me once again. Whoa! I know that desperation of desiring- to the point of obsessing- to make a whole with someone. When all else have not filled those empty spaces- in the play's case that of leaving her family and the country- within the her person, she tried to patch them with a love relationship with a foreigner! I was like that in my 2nd year.

All the other characters were interesting as well. To sum up, the couple seem to escape the feeling of home Philipppines conjur whenever talked about. the wife seemed to have trouble with her mother. The amerasian kid never felt the care of parents- I think this was her reason why she won't come back to her family (a step mother). They know that by turning back to their roots they would be able to restore the empty feeling, but they refused to because of issues (money, emotional stuff). And so on and so forth...

Once again, I'm at a loss. And I guess something good would turn out by experiencing this. Once again... Familiarity.

...

On other news, Amazing Interdepartment Race was uber fun! Fun fun fun! Thanks to everyone who have helped us- to the volunteers, thank you peeps!!! I apologize to Char and Ivan if i tend to slack off during the course of the project! I want to congratulate Char and Ivan for their Uber hardwork!

Participants really enjoyed the race! Myreign even pointed out that the clues were cool! Wahahaha! This really made my day! Comments about the project have been good so far! Anyway, even before our congratulatory moments (Manang's), I already had that insane feeling of happiness after seeing teams running around the campus figuring out my clues. I mean those wer my clue?! Was really fun!

Once again thanks everyone!

...

Thursday aftermath. I was really feeling down after that Project Management midterm. I feel that I really failed it big time. I think I missed about 4 items in the last part which is about some 35 percent. If there's a place worse than hell, this would be it! Ugh! Pharmaton didn't work at all! The group study was useless- Andie, I'm really sorry about going to your dorm that thursday afternoon- really was a bad idea. And! Come on! In the real corporate world, we will definitely have more time solving cost and duration estimates- So why the hell do we need to do it that fast?! Isn't the point about knowing how to do those stuff? Even 4 hours wouldn't suffice for that kind of exam! Dangit!

After that you-know-what (don't you speak bad words such as that exam- refer to it as "that" from now on), Andie was making this stupid foo language. I initially thought she knew chobits- an anime where the lead robot only speaks "Chi"- but, thinkning again, I thought now way. So she went on with it. Was really funny because it really suited her.

This week's probably my most unproductive week in my entire college life. I've been doing nothing important since sunday- when I finally confirmed that it's holiday the next day. Underline unproductive: our theo ecological project was almost late/ rejected and I've missed 6 lectures in total this week! Pucha! That would mean a lot of lecture notes to copy, papers about philo lectures, a missed bonus quiz (supply chain mgt- where I failed the first long test super F!!!!), a recitation come this tuesday- yes, we are "penalized" for absences. Except for my once-a-week Project Mgt class, I didn't attend a single tuesday-thursday class!

After munday being a holiday, my notion of having the right to slack a bit carried over to the succeeding days. What a damned day!- hehe, blaming other things for my inefficiency is really helpful. And, the BIT of procrastination mutated into VAST- multiplied 30 times as in!

Anyway, I was still able to finish our theo presentation. I still don't know whether to accuse my other team member of not dealing with it properly- I mean I was really the one who did almost everything and I get this slight feeling of injustice. It's still my fault regardless their minimum input to our project. I chose not to pass it to one our groupmates who volunteered to finish it - I thought it would be a major hell for her since she had another project due the next day. I worked for a little over 15 hours to finish this stupid powerpoint presentation- with the infos, music, and animation. Really, I don't want to talk about this...

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I didn't get any sleep at all last munday-tuesday because of the theo thing. And, I couldn't get a proper sleep on tuesday because I had to buy the naruto head protector, which was in greenhills(!), for my grad pic creative pose. I had Ka with me to go there. I figured to drop by Mateo to get my Naruto from Retch. Then the funny stuff happened.

Saw Rompz and a girl MIS peep- whose name I never knew- on my way to Mateo. At this point, I was totally in a reality/dream world. Sleep was taking over me and I was only a-fourth conscious. I didn't understand a word they were saying when we got to have some chit chat. Thanks to my stupid smile and vague comments, I was able to seem friendly and normal- but I was definitely otherwise at that time. Mateo did seem dreamlike- I must have irked some Celadon peeps when I was looking for the CDs- "the damned CDs" I thought then. On my way out of school, I got to "talk" to Rompz and company again. Then it happened. A literal winding road appeared before me after getting out of the bridge. I persevered- yes, I really did- not to faint. When I got to the train station, another familiar face greeted me: it was Jayaps- and dear me, another company- I think her name's something like che or che che. Once again, I was at a loss on our conversation- and dammit, she normally proves to be incomprehensible- so just imagine how baffled I was about her jokes. I was laughing without understanding anything she said. Then, I realized that I was awake for at least 30 hours. I head to bed right away when I got home.

I don't plan to die before 35, so I should change this practice.

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After finishing theo thursday morning, I got to Miriam to get the samurai costume- not the armor, but the kenshi himura costume- from Ka. Headed to school to pass the theo thing but upon discovering that other documentation stuff was needed, I contacted Rach right away to do those misc things. Got to the studio for my grad pic.

Got to wear my polo and tie- with shorts! And no this wasn't my creative costume- I'm not this creative, I swear. They were only shooting our upper body so I thought wearing shorts this day was okay. I got a bit too sentimental when they draped me with the toga, the School seal, and another thing that seemed to be a medal- I don't know what it's called, so there. At that moment, I thought about leaving Ateneo- and it really pained me. I really think I'm not totally ready to get out to the work world.

Then the creative pose- the creative pose!!! I donned on the stupid samurai costume and tied the naruto head protector. when I got to look at myself on the mirror, I thought, I really looked like another naruto character. I felt really good fantasizing about my being a part of the cartoon- but I was also embarassed to the bones. But at least I got to pull off something drastic and comical before graduating.

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I should really work for next week beginning tomorrow. Tons of readings again and a midterm for next week. Wish me luck! I feel like up and charged to start saturday properly.