Yeah. It's just one of those weekends that I utterly feel down. I feel like my life's going nowhere. I feel insufficient. I feel that I've let people down. I mean, I don't even have that five-year plan. And I'm already in my final college year. I really have to do something fix myself. I really try. It just seems that every move I make proves either not enough or frustrated by usual vices. If only I have been someone else, it would be a whole lot easier.
Yes, I don't have that five-year plan the guidance counselor asked me about. I do know what I want to do though. So I guess that's beacon of light somewhere far off in the horizon. But, still, I don't really know how to get there. And right now, with how I perform and everything, I don't think I can get to where I want to be. It's so frustrating.
I have hope. I do sense some blessedness. And I'm genuinely grateful. For one, I never planned to live after 18. And I'm here. My only chance of getting something really meaningful out of this life is to get to where I want to be. And I'm no where near that. It's just a problem - a frustrating one - but I'm no way near despairing.
It's just me holding myself back. At least I'd like to think of it that way. I have so many fears, insecurities, and vices. They make each step toward my goal difficult. I can work hard to get there. I'd like to think that way.
1 comment:
Hello, you man for others, you. I thought it was my role to get depressed and mumbly and yours to spank and preach about the meaning of life. As for the five-year plan, well... fuck the five-year plan. Five years from now, you could've been in Iraq advocating for world peace or something if only you didn't have a stupid five-year plan from college that said you'd have to be in a cozy computer company five years from now.
I kind of lost myself there. But you get the point.
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