It's a long weekend and it's supposed to be a good one. You get to do lots of important stuff like catching up with the times, the books you've been wanting to read, readings to get done with, org stuff, blah blah blah. Hell, I didn't get to do all those stuff! I devolved again to my indolent self- I was the perfect embodiment of sloth! I'm not exagerating at all. I didn't go to the org bazaar, didn't attend my afternoon tutoring session. It was my plan to stay focused this last sem, and I'm totally disgusted with how I spent the weekend. I'm not expecting the best grades, I just want to really get the most out of my courses this last sem. Thank God tomorrow's a holiday, I can certainly catch up.

There's nothing earth-shaking to inspire me writing about stuff lately. I think I'm too comfortable with how things are. I don't mean to say that I don't have issues but I seem to have thought about how to deal with them. In this way, I think there's comfort. Knowing how things are and illusions about how I should deal with stuff lead me to this comfortable state. I seem to think that I have the answers to everything- nothing really bothers me big time. I don't know whether to be thankful or to be agitated.

Expanding those answers seems quite improbable already. Solutions that frame those big questions seems to be too brilliant for me to transcend them. All I can do is to affirm them, and kowtow to those exceptional minds that created them. I know such concern is but a concern of the self. If only I could genuinely look outside myself and see that things should change. This is perhaps the greatest problem of introverts.

Certainly, I'm talking about what's happening in my head. It's fairly well exhibited that I'm in the level of struggle when it comes to action. However my actions only deals with the realization I have for myself. Nothing really reaches out for the world. Actions may seem external, but it's still all about myself. I think what I mentioned about the dealings of my mind- that of internal organization rather than looking outward- frames this problem I have.

Thankfully enough, classes I've had offer radical stuff- well most of them anyway. In a way there's a tinge of being outward. Unfortunately, however, I didn't really learn new things. I can definitely be well-versed in those questions I've had since childhood, but ask me new issues and I promise I'd look like an idiot. Some stuff I've learned deepened how I understand things but it didn't expand my concerns very well. I know I've changed a lot but it's still not enough to get out of myself. I hope I'm getting there.

Oh no I'm not wishing for something earth-shaking to happen in my life. I'm wishing to have the same sort of mind that criticizes everything it sets its energy upon. Okay, that was a wierd way of putting it. I don't want to be a worshipper of geniuses, I want to be a genuine thinker- not an absolute introvert but a... uhm something else. Heh!

...

About last friday. We had our grad pic. I was desperately in need of company then. It's wierd that I didn't feel wierded out at all with all those peeps. I barely knew anyone- I mean being real good friends with them- and I didn't feel isolated. Luckily I spotted some course-mates to hang around with. My rather unusual convivial tendencies kicked in- and I swear they were either annoyed or surprised. I can't believe I was there with peeps I'm not really close to. It was fun nonetheless.

Readings are already pillinguo so I better start right away. Ciao!

Second week of the last sem. It's as if that's a lot days into the sem already. We're nearing graduation- that is, hopefully. It's something to look forward to and to dread. While most blogs of seniors highlight the meaningful friendships they have had in college, mine exudes a tinge of bitterness. It's not as if I never enjoyed college, it's just that I never got to feel the same high with friends. I guess it's just different from high school. Here, bonds tend be loose. Nonetheless, there are those exceptional friends to keep- and I'm totally grateful. There, my share of "cathartic" musings concerning the senior's syndrome- Ais says it has something to do with feeling good with every person you get to be with. I'm trying to do exactly that. It's not just about love life by the by.

It's almost thursday. Hours from now will be the quiz for Theo- quite antsy about it actually but I still haven't reviewed my notes! I call this productive procrastination- nice! I'll start in half an hour. We had a recitation on history yesterday- and I didn't read for it! Luckily, it turned out to be an open recit- was totally relieved. Got four chapters to munch for tomorow in that course.

Got trouble about my ACP! I really want to go to subic despite my friends' desertion! But I can't because we're about to have our immersion this friday as well. Ugh! I want to go to subic! I can, of course, opt not to go to my immersion, but then I'd miss out on a lot. Please move the date for immersion! I'm quite afraid about the immersion thing. I don't know if I can really live with the poor. I know I want to- to know their plight, to know their lives, to learn from them- but I don't feel comfortable at all to get out of my comfort zone. Need some serious preparations.

...

How do you write about something without having an idea of it? Probably I'll ask this question on friday. Because if the answer is no, that is having no idea at all, then how do you even get to acknowledge the problem? Right? I get the point that it all boils down to experience, but experiences itself is not captured, thus the necessity of ideas to talk about. Well, ideas in this sense point to experience- this is what's important I guess. What I'm trying to get to is that a person's positive use of his freedom is first an acknowledgement of something. Oh, this is about death. I'm not trying to sound mysterious. I have enough attention already. Thank you very much.

What people need now is liberation theology. Lot's of experts trying to marry the world with social concerns. Why don't they try to change these structures instead? I'm not taking out the fact that, maybe by marrying the two, they may change the structures. But is this kind of development enough? It is still subjected to greed- maybe that's what bugs me. Maybe that's the most difficult thing to remove. Niether am I taking out the value of agency here. Heh! I'm so convinced about the aim of this course! Hopefully I can overcome this romanticism about it. It doesn't help in producing brilliance.

Rizal was shot dead despite his dissension to Bonifacio's revolution. He's our national hero. Going beyond sarcasm, maybe there's other reasons why he's such. Another thing, elections have never been orderly in the Philippines. Tejeros convention. Losers always complain. Even in college, this kind of mentality exists. Some even run for positions of authority after losing anelection. Pathetic losers. The republic formed by Aguinaldo killed Bonifacio. This is the birth of our beautiful republic. Going beyond pessimism and skepticism, we are next in line- we better fix things up.

...

Got to watch Goblet of Fire last saturday. It was not at all that great vompared to the last three movies! A lot of important details weren't included! Peeps argue that taking out some details was necessary in making the movie- because of limits. But some character development necessary for the next movie wasn't included! Even Fudge and Dumbledore's disagreement wasn't shown! Ugh! And, only one dragon?! Percy's obssession with the ministry? Ludo Bagman?! And I swear, the quidditch world cup was less than a minute! Even Moody's sort of mentorship was not developed properly. They fixed everything up in the dialogues. Ugh, even Fleur and Viktor didn't have proper sentences to deliver. I probably have lots of peeps agreeing with this. It's Harry Potter so I still like it.

I was out with Ka and Ken last saturday! Was really tiring having the entire afternoon at school, night at the theaters and a friend's house, and the first three hours of morning in a cafe and a park. I was out until 3 am of sunday. Get me a real life.

Oh, the title is not related to the entry at all. It was the prevalent feeling I had hours ago. I recommned it to anyone feeling lost. Heh!

It's a phrase from the novel Celestine Prophecy I'm net yet quite sure whether to judge it stupid and not-so-well researched. The novel could've passed for a handbook, the story's so planned- so obvious thet themes discussed never flourished quite naturally. It lacks subtlety I guess. It could've been the A Purpose Driven Life for those attracted to eastern religions or the "occult"-which is not so much occult anymore as I've mentioned in a past entry. For those of you wierded out by the term, it means the kind of drama we play, while socializing with others, to suck out the energy from other peeps. It's when a person, for instance, plays aloof to gain attention. It's a way of a person to suck energy- the book suggest that we should get that energy from the world instead of other peeps. There's other ways to suck energy out of peeps of course- being the intimidator for instance, playing the victim, and such and such. Maybe in layman's term, the phrase means a way for a person to take up attention of another peep. I think the point's made already. This paragraph is getting ridiculously long.

I won't mention the person of course. I mean she's not worth even a sentence. Yes she can be the nicest friend when you're around her, but often she plays out her control drama very well- okay that's more than a sentence. She seems to suck out my energy very efficiently. Well perhaps I do care- she plays the "I'm the victim" control drama- 'coz she's a friend, but she always exagerate things. Ugh, forgive the word, she can be the perfect bitch at times. Good luck. I don't have the luxury of time to spend convincing myself I did nothing wrong. Once again, ugh! She's a friend, she deserves a paragraph.

I, too, have my own control drama. I deliver it very well whenever I'm in that silent mode. Wahaha! But I think I'm losing it gradually now. I'm beginning to move out of myself in a way- it's up to you to interpret that! Hehe! There's just some peeps who talk about themselves quite shamelessly. I think I was like that until recently. Efforts to enjoy experience really helped out a lot. There's a lot of peeps who seem to deem the world as a story about themselves- they even pre-occupies themselves with psych tests, narrations of their own legends and fairty tales. Hmm, I'm being a bit narrow-minded here... Maybe that aspect of our consciousness cannot be taken out us- after all this is our own story- but a lot of peeps seems to have too much of it. Even in their self-proclaimed reflections, it's not about the experience anymore but the way they objectify it with their idea of themselves participating. This is sick. I was sick for quite a while.

...

I also discovered recently that, for the most part, people don't want you to reveal who you really are. They often prefer sophistication. What's the "real" you is arguable 'coz there's no such finality. I mean to say here that people generally want you to hide or make subtle those real motives in socializing with them. They often freak out whenever they detect some "uncouth" form of words, gestures, or attitude. Heck, even I am like this. We prefer culture. However, with friends, you expect that such wall be dismantled even for just a bit. Without a show of how you really mean to be to another person such realtionship cannot happen. I always say that friendship also involves risk- much like a romantic relationship really, though more on another level- sometimes deeper, sometimes lighter. I'm trying to break down walls around me so as to welcome witnesses and also for me to witness "real" faces, but there's just some peeps who seem to either hate to show themselves or hate what they see beyond my wall- despite the the length of time we've spend together. Ugh, it's all too simple really. I just don't want to make this sound like a cliche, thus the bit of drama.

I'd like to further rethinking friendship. It's never possible when either of the party is obssesed with sophistication- I mean social sophistication. Then again, why would you listen to someone who've spent half his life on the borders of society. Kill me now! Hehe! I really miss my friends. I've even edited our picture- Just the usual 4- to make our faces look smooth! Hehe! I know, pathetic right? I didn't have anything to do yesterday so I looked at some of our pics then later decides to mess with them. Here it is. Sorry guys! Wahahaha!

From left to right: Ka, Nes, Me in my favourite shirt, and Ken. These are the three of my closest friends. We go way back from prep school. Great peeps! Pic was taken last summer(?) in a cafe.

Forgive me for editing it too much! I thought posting this pic would somehow lighten the general mood of my blog. Hehe! There's a lot more to come. Oh! You can stalk them through me if if you're interested in any of them okay? Hehe!










...

Gonna watch Goblet of Fire tomorrow!!! I'm hyper excited already! I've been looking forward to this since last week! Can't Wait!!! Got a meeting from1- 5! What a drag!!! Arghh!

It's- i won't say finally- the last stretch of my college life. Rather depressing actually. I've spent some 17 years in school, now I'm preparing for the so-called real world. Yes, we're supposed to be living in a kind of fantasy right now. Crap, I really want to study again sometime. Perhaps I'd get a law degree or another really worthwhile course after some time working- when I get to earn my own money. Sheez, that must be quite a number of years from now. Then gain, I'm probably ready for such a thing so no use musing over- not to mention clinging to- academic life. Oh, the last sentence was about working.

Teachs seem promising this sem. A serious Philo teach, another serious- and down to earth- Theo Teach, vivacious Jap Teach, comedian History Teach, 2 friendly ITM teach. We got loads to do to pass history. All seem quite challenging actually. I don't want to jump into conclusion, but this sem seems to offer a real studying- fit for an ending. I may be wrong of course- like I was with Rosy, Dacy, and an other Teach not worthy enough to be listed. Hehe! Nah, I don't have any other regrets. I didn't quite exhaust all things I could have possibly learned from these two putatively brilliant minds. My excuse is that I may not be theologically-inclined. Heh, I always have excuses- the same excuse actually- for any course that I didn't quite put my attention to. Anyway, I'm hoping for the best since this is the last stretch. I really want to learn.

Classmates seem to be nice too! I know a number of peeps from any of my classes! I get to talk any time of the day now! Harharhar! Oops- with the exception pala of what I excluded earlier in the list of exciting classes. To be fair, I don't have any idea of how things will go in that class anyway- I'm still hoping that things in that class won't get as hellish as it did last sem. See, I even call it "that class".

I don't have the usual tons of readings yet so I opted to blog. So here I am. I'm thinking of writing down notes here actually. Maybe when I get to try thinking about lectures regularly I'd get, more or less, an entire course. All of my subjects, excluding the one non-core and required course, seems interesting enough for me to do this kind of thing. Heh, a plan once again. Maybe this time I'll push through with this.

...

Is it pathetic to get highs by winning arguments? I know this is a pathetic question as well, but I'd like to test thinking about thinking this kind of "issue". Maybe some other constructs in my mind encourages this doubt. So the right away reaction- judging my action- should be checked. Heh, of course my initial verdict is that it's perfectly fine! But I seem to indulge in feeling I'm the winner. Yes I'm trying my strategy right this instant... and it doesn't seem to work. Maybe I should do it right after class when I'm still thinking about whatever we've talked about.

Anyhow. Events are often experienced and initially thought-of as something totally out of our hands. With the succession of events, a seeming connection is made in between them. The experiencer notices it. Even his own "agency" ("" because it's the will is eventually taken out in the conclusion of this trail of thought) is questioned for his own reaction to them is not absolute. That the will is even directed! Chance is the only one that plays out perfectly (Ooh! I like the parodixical way wrote it!). Plans don't work-out as anticipated, feeling the he's being the victim in this kind of set-up, thus the matrix. Then, came I- kidding. The lecture was up until this part of the text.

It still facinates me how Teach perfectly details essays- especially of Gabriel Marcel's. I didn't notice the transition in the type of reflection from first to second paragraph and the idea of not having value because of chance being the ultimate player in the world. I thought it was death that makes everything else worthless. Eventually- this is a guess 'coz we haven't dicussed this part yet- the image of death makes freedom an essential ingredient in being in the world. We also have an Hemmingway story for next lec, A Clean and Well-Lighted place. We've read that in our 102 but I still don't understand it fully. Someone help!

Ok, another. Evangelization must include both preaching about spritual and other worldly salvation or freedom. Liberation theology yata toh. I totally agree though. Ugh! This is my probably: it's always about agreeing to something in order to learn it! Argh! Can't you just detach yourself?! Anyway, to do this, the Christian must participate in the world because it is through this that he can proclaim God's offer of salvation to peeps. Vatican to explicitates this.

It seems pointless to blog about Jap. Hehe. I lost my JSP1 notes! Waaah!!!

...

Andz said that my blog seems to offer too much sad doodles- with matching sad title and sad pics. I'm not as emotional as I may seem here. I just tend to focus on stuff that constitutes how I judge the world. Is that being emotional? Am I not being practical? Hmm. Maybe I'll try posting pics here- No! This blog seems to be perfect for serious stuff! Maybe I'll write some bubbly doodles somewhere in a happy atmosphere. Once again, plans.

Three days of the last sem. That sounds like a lot of days already.

I actually typed the latter part of this entry first before typing this first part. I decided that from now one the format of my entry will be such- everyday happenings before my wierd doodles. I'm starting this kind of format now.

Until now, I've been listening to new songs, downloading Naruto comics, playing warcraft (okay, kill me!). Yes I know, do you know where to buy a new life? Hehe! Not that it's totally boring to do those I just mentioned. I wasn't in the mood to read stuff until now- see my entry proper.

The next sem seems to promise a good end for my college life. I'm taking up intermediate Jap, a good teacher in philo (tested na!) and theo (chika lang!). And yes, another history class! I like history! Anyway, about Jap, I'm still thinking about shifting out of it. See, seniors end this sem early. Will the teach require me heavier load since I'm ending it earlier? About philo, I heard Teach has his quizzes every week. I wonder if I can deal with that properly. There's a lot to doubts about this sem though I can't change most of my courses this sem. Hehe! Oh! I got my finaly Ethics paper- it was a C because I handed it over 4 days late. It was a good paper- like what he remarked- though late. Ugh!

Goblet of fire!!! Right now I'm reading through stuff in the net about the film- interviews, behind the scenes and all other eclat! I'm definitely watching it next weekend! And! I'm rereading Goblet of Fire! Ooh! Other flicks to look forward to are The Legend of Zorro, Memoirs of Geisha, Chronicles of Narnia, an Chicken Little! I need to hoard up monies to finance my trips to the movies!

Whenever I write entries I always start with serious stuff then the shallow ones. As I've doodled, I wrote the latter part of this entry first before this early part.

...

Okay, entry proper. No, the title is not another cartoon character nor is it a name of some famous person. Read through this entry or google it to find it's meaning. Better yet, listen to Oasis's song Lyla- I think it's somehow related to this word. It's definitely a wow for the band if they intended such connection.

It's one of those days when I feel this wierd nauseous feeling. It's not that I want to physically puke or that I'm disgusted at anything at all; it's more like a pyschological desire to dismiss everything I see. The feeling's kind of related to boredom but it's more than that, it's more like everything seems too much on their own. Nope, it's not the usual separation that we feel whenever we get depressed. Basta! It's that the world seems to perform a wierd show- and you notice it- and you feel that you're part of it- and then you feel wierd thinking "what then?" after your assessment of the wierd performance. Now, convince me that this is normal. Does anyone have a proper word for it?

If you happen to encounter anything like this my recommendation is that you immediately get a nice book, sit down somewhere comfy then read read read. This practice works for me whenever I get this wierd feeling. Retching about whether physically or mentally won't help. I mean, I tried doing it a couple of times- regretting it twice after seeing my face all red and my eyes popping out. By the by, thanks to Retcher (who's a real person despite the name) for the word retch. Oh, what I meant by mentally puking is when you try so hard to articulate other things that makes you feel that wierd feeling. Ugh, kill me now!

But then, there's an excuse for not having any proper word. What we articulate are but what the world already know. Pointing out ideas is but refering to something already experienced by this world. Now, this kind of analysis is only applicable for individual thoughts- a conglomeration of it is a kind of study or another analysis- similar to what I just did pointing out what a word is. The latter can be an assessment. Like I actually need to point this out... My point is that articulation of a new experience- in its independent state (meaning, it has a vague or no connection to any thought)- is quite troublesome.

Ugh, if my wierd experience has never been given a word before, I hereby name it lila mind-fuck syndrome. Hehe! The rather repulsive latter part is the name of a friend's blog (put quote marks before and after word friend). Anyway, I call it such because if I'm really aware of Lila then why do I feel a separation when my awareness of the performance may be a part of the performance. The gods may just be part of this lila after all. Don't they have that same syndrome? Anyway, I address that to the Hindu gods. Uhm, for the creator, please enlighten me.

That feeling which seems to point out that people are doing what they are supposed to do- and that I don't want to be part of this play but I am. In the song, the world around us make me feel so small. Lyla, if you can't hear me call, then what do you say? Maybe the antithesis to Lila is Lyla. Uhm, if you know the song, I don't suggest addiction. You know the answer if you still get me to this part- and you also know that it's too cheesy to point what Lyla is about.

What the hell am I doing anyway? It still amazes me how I can doodle a hundred words without really having something clear and precise to say. Yes, I just ended my little piece about my occassional wierd experience.

...

Another thought about my perrenial problem: maybe I do want to change but I don't eagerly yearn for something to change other than myself. I don't think I was a spoiled brat, I'm neither too comfortable with how everything is arranged. Then what's this thing hindering me from a breakthrough?

I got my grades munday. While everyone was getting antsy on whether they got an above B grade, I was worrying about where to transfer after I get my pathetic grades. I thought about killing myself after I get the grades! Luckily- or otherwise- I got my usual grades. They're in my usual range- decent enough grades. I was surprised to see that I actually passed all of them- and that I didn't get a single D! I really thought I failed two courses in total. I'm formally a C+ student. Okay, I admit that sucks but I do feel relieved. I didn't get to study a lot specially for this one major course that disgusts me. A friend called it abominable- and I totally agree! I'm a bit upset about Ethics though. If only I got to submit the final paper in time, I could've gotten a B+. I still recommend Sir David though- he's really brilliant, a bit repetitive but brilliant. I'm actually planning to buy two of Foucault's books despite their exorbitant prices.

Tomorrow's reg for the second sem. Please give me the right teachers! I don't want another Rosy or Dacy for my core subjects! I really don't perform well under hyper strict condition or under super lame lectures! Ugh, I used the word perform. I hate that! People, especially in our favourite panoptical institution (i.e. the school), tend to equate individuals to efficiency. Is that really all we get to be thought of? There's no denying though that after we exit school, the world judge us through efficiency. We are things traded by those in higher circles of power in this society. Then again this is may be a self imposed problem. Legitimizing a particualr world we- at least some of us- are about to enter is a bit schizophrenic. Forgive me for being lame in "articulating" this sentimentality. Don't worry, I don't even get it myself.

I don't have any important musings to write about. Again, it's been more than a week already since my last update ergo another entry. These are but random musings.

Nothing really has caught my attention lately. No movies or books to obsess about. That's bad right? The most exciting aspect of my last sembreak- gosh!- was hanging out with friends and reading the newspaper. You wouldn't believe how I read the daily everyday- from the front page to the editorial and opinions! I can't do these things in a regular semester. Nothing's been too amazing lately- no ups and downs. Oh! there is! My sister left for Canada and that we made peace before she left- but that's a month ago. A semi-awesome- or frightening- thing that's been happening to our apartment is that my mom is slowly emptying the house- leaving just my stuff! I was surprised to see our big cabinet half empty! My sis and I used to share it. The half empty cabinet still freaks me out. And oh! Someone smsed me to activate my alumni membership! My God! Are you people that excited to kick us out of our beloved school?! This is injustice! It seems as if various forces are conspiring, forcing me to grow up! I already told you that I'm prepared but can't you slow everything down even for a bit? I mean, I only got to experience real college for two years! I haven't gotten over high school stuff until my second year! I guess some stuff have been up inside; outside I'm as static as ever.

Hearing songs I used to mull over makes me realize that I've changed. There's this one particular song Jumper, which I heard once more after a long time, that got me thinking. Upon hearing it, I thought I should get depressed. I was down whenever I hear songs that seem to paint pictures of the past. But now, I tend to be more over it. Hearing it now makes me think that I was too uninvolved and bitter about the world. Once again, my ego at the center stage. I tend to perform too well dragging the drama of my past to this stage- an empty drama if you may. I am well convinced though that I'm gazing at new stuff. I'm rethinking my convictions though because some of them are not really honed from within but adopted from very wise lessons- although wise, the tension persists. I guess that's what I have to work out. To really want something so bad. Goals I've laid for myself are either too vague of too outside-imposed (give me a proper word for this) that I tend to not really- I mean badly- want it. Then again, inaction may have been caused by my usual vices. The problem may lie in both nonetheless.

...

This certain feeling that I should get somewhere is what I used to despise. This particular feeling of void seeng people try to set out paths for themselves got me into this hole thinking that what they persue are but their own made-up ideas of selves- or meaning and purpose- that in the end no one's achieved real participation in taking up a real meaning. I even got to use this theme for my En12 final paper. Then after a year or two I realized how child-like I was. Now, I think setting your own path is the only way to having a self to call- thus, purpose or meaning. What is meaning afterall but human meaning? This is the only way of clearing the void- that of seeking something permanent to see that you actually are. We can never see that. I'll stop. I think I've written something like this months ago.

Yes, I welcome frustrations (coming from this particualr musing). If I stay comfortable I will regret my life. I prefer having an AT field than melting into LCL- Neon Genesis Evangelion fans probably know what I mean. It's the only way to have a life we call our own and the only way to point to something significant in the end.

...

Now, in terms of frustrations form other worldy stuff, we need relief! Speaking of relief, Goblet of Fire is up next week! Eeek! I'm too excited seeing previews of the flick in almost all channels! Waah! I'm thinking about watching it wednesday night- the premiere night! I'm thinking about watching it twice actually! Saturday will definitely be a day with my high school gang! Wahaha! I'm super excited! This is a relief from the boredom I experienced through out the sem break. Hehe!

Well well, it's the time of the year again. I remember the time when I was trying so hard to comprehend witchcraft- as in the stupenduous theories and the how-to's. Eventually it led me into the study of the entire occult eclat- from the Lemegeton to the Kabbalah to Wicca. The I realized that I spent 2 years of my high school life reading about these bizare stuff. Ugh, it's not a big deal but I feel that I could have used those times studying literature or any other useful stuff- academically I mean. Then again, it was fun reading ludicrous lines of spells, enchantments, charms, and what-not's. Was stupid but, at the same time, cool.

Anyway, why do I always have to drag to this blog my feeling of resentment? It's always either about dragging the past to center stage or rightfully claiming that I'm moving forward. Why's that? Phew. I guess I'm trying that "expanding the framework" thing. It doesn't work well- obviously- especially when I'm not in the mood to extract every intricate details of my thoughts- like right now. So, I'll spare you of my psuedo-intellectualism this time. Maybe I'll create another journal for that kind of thing.

I'm rethinking the "wasted" readings I had. Actually I was a bit blessed. Those occult- well yeah it's not so "occult" nowadays- eclat lead me to study philosophies behind beliefs. So perhaps reading them was a blessing in disguise. For those of you who have had read any of these stuff, you'll notice that some traditions point to mysticism in certain religion and philosophies by the greeks. Those were the things I eventually got to be interested in. Then came The Solitaire Mystery. A glassful of fizzy drink anyone? Then college.

You tell me if what I've just doodled is yet another justification that I was going somewhere during those seeming- and initially I thought they were- wasted times. Well, I can say that perhaps my justification is not just an excuse but an utterance of what I see NOW. Isn't only right to point out what you see? Coversely, if indeed I'm making an excuse, I'm making a direction based on the past and now. Perhaps an account of the past is a way for us to know what we are right now, thus opening a future.

Ugh, kill me now. That was totally pseudo-intellectualism.

...

I've been watching T.V. non-stop lately. Yesterday- or was it early this day?- I watch 24's entire 1st season. Well, not exactly. It started around midnight. I watched the first six episodes- thus, I slept around five in the morning- then resumed watching the last 7 episodes. It's really better to watch it in its original version. The Filipino translated one's a bit wierd- Like the Filipino-translated animes of channel seven- total bullshit. Like that's a big deal *roll eyes*. Like I have any other more important thing to doodle about?! Hehe!

Actually, I do have another important thing to write about. The "dinner" we had yesterday- with my high school fwends- was a bit sad. It was the usual four again: Me, Ken, Nes, and Ka. Everyone else was doing something more important? Ugh, what could be more important than us? Like having your routine trip to the salon? It was unfair San that you chose your routine "beautification" over your fwends! Hehe! Just kidding! The four of us had fun regardless of non-attendance of the rest of the group. I swear I can talk to these guys for an entire 5 hours- and yep we spent six hours planning reunions, criticizing movies, and the usual non-sense. It was really relaxing to be with them. I really regret that I only have a handful of people in college I can be comfortable to be with.

I've been reading up on everything I can find in the net (see my stops below). From chinese legends to scandinavian elves to japanese gods to buddhism to theosophy to how-do-transistors-work to string theory (which I don't understand at all!!) to solar cells to Iran-proclaiming-its-motive-of-wiping-Israel-from-the-map and what-not's. I mean ask me about solar cells and I can tell you how they work- well more or less. Hah! This is the work of an idle mind. I've been reading anything at all suited for the lame person. I need to start the set of books I prepared for this sem break, else I'd die of boredom.

On other news, I've been having a hard time doing the evaluation for my flockies. I wasn't able to talk my flock the last month of last sem! Now, I'm having trouble evaluating them! Hell, I don't even know the projects they joined. And (!) The evaluation document is a bit confusing- it needs serious revision for next year. This is a panoptical torture! And, it goes both ways- luckily! I'm excited about the bands performing for the Christmas party! This project should be exciting.