un-samhain doodles
Well well, it's the time of the year again. I remember the time when I was trying so hard to comprehend witchcraft- as in the stupenduous theories and the how-to's. Eventually it led me into the study of the entire occult eclat- from the Lemegeton to the Kabbalah to Wicca. The I realized that I spent 2 years of my high school life reading about these bizare stuff. Ugh, it's not a big deal but I feel that I could have used those times studying literature or any other useful stuff- academically I mean. Then again, it was fun reading ludicrous lines of spells, enchantments, charms, and what-not's. Was stupid but, at the same time, cool.
Anyway, why do I always have to drag to this blog my feeling of resentment? It's always either about dragging the past to center stage or rightfully claiming that I'm moving forward. Why's that? Phew. I guess I'm trying that "expanding the framework" thing. It doesn't work well- obviously- especially when I'm not in the mood to extract every intricate details of my thoughts- like right now. So, I'll spare you of my psuedo-intellectualism this time. Maybe I'll create another journal for that kind of thing.
I'm rethinking the "wasted" readings I had. Actually I was a bit blessed. Those occult- well yeah it's not so "occult" nowadays- eclat lead me to study philosophies behind beliefs. So perhaps reading them was a blessing in disguise. For those of you who have had read any of these stuff, you'll notice that some traditions point to mysticism in certain religion and philosophies by the greeks. Those were the things I eventually got to be interested in. Then came The Solitaire Mystery. A glassful of fizzy drink anyone? Then college.
You tell me if what I've just doodled is yet another justification that I was going somewhere during those seeming- and initially I thought they were- wasted times. Well, I can say that perhaps my justification is not just an excuse but an utterance of what I see NOW. Isn't only right to point out what you see? Coversely, if indeed I'm making an excuse, I'm making a direction based on the past and now. Perhaps an account of the past is a way for us to know what we are right now, thus opening a future.
Ugh, kill me now. That was totally pseudo-intellectualism.
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I've been watching T.V. non-stop lately. Yesterday- or was it early this day?- I watch 24's entire 1st season. Well, not exactly. It started around midnight. I watched the first six episodes- thus, I slept around five in the morning- then resumed watching the last 7 episodes. It's really better to watch it in its original version. The Filipino translated one's a bit wierd- Like the Filipino-translated animes of channel seven- total bullshit. Like that's a big deal *roll eyes*. Like I have any other more important thing to doodle about?! Hehe!
Actually, I do have another important thing to write about. The "dinner" we had yesterday- with my high school fwends- was a bit sad. It was the usual four again: Me, Ken, Nes, and Ka. Everyone else was doing something more important? Ugh, what could be more important than us? Like having your routine trip to the salon? It was unfair San that you chose your routine "beautification" over your fwends! Hehe! Just kidding! The four of us had fun regardless of non-attendance of the rest of the group. I swear I can talk to these guys for an entire 5 hours- and yep we spent six hours planning reunions, criticizing movies, and the usual non-sense. It was really relaxing to be with them. I really regret that I only have a handful of people in college I can be comfortable to be with.
I've been reading up on everything I can find in the net (see my stops below). From chinese legends to scandinavian elves to japanese gods to buddhism to theosophy to how-do-transistors-work to string theory (which I don't understand at all!!) to solar cells to Iran-proclaiming-its-motive-of-wiping-Israel-from-the-map and what-not's. I mean ask me about solar cells and I can tell you how they work- well more or less. Hah! This is the work of an idle mind. I've been reading anything at all suited for the lame person. I need to start the set of books I prepared for this sem break, else I'd die of boredom.
On other news, I've been having a hard time doing the evaluation for my flockies. I wasn't able to talk my flock the last month of last sem! Now, I'm having trouble evaluating them! Hell, I don't even know the projects they joined. And (!) The evaluation document is a bit confusing- it needs serious revision for next year. This is a panoptical torture! And, it goes both ways- luckily! I'm excited about the bands performing for the Christmas party! This project should be exciting.
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Eric thought he has found what he's looking for (like the U2 song. lol!). These days, he's not even sure whether he's actually looking for something. And, he's tired of riding on other people's dreams, assuming purposeful identities. He figures life's not about how we think we figure in the "larger scheme of things" (thus, "The Identity Myth"). Rather, it's about finding what compels and weighs us down to live another day, and pursuing just that. He chronicles various life happenings alluding to the identity myth, because in the end he recognizes that obsessing about it is inevitable, and human (and sometimes pathetic and shallow).
Oh, he's undecided between survival and bliss (like the Alanis song). And his favourite pastime is to fluctuate between despair and hope.