what are you good at?
It happened yesterday during our project management class. She asked me what am I good at, then she gave me the book An Enemy Called Average. I was rather on the defensive right away. She gave me that feeling again when I thought I've resolved that problem.
Ok. She thinks I'm average? Or drowning in self pity. I was infuriated because she may be telling the truth after all. That depresses me a lot. Got into a self-obsession- the usual questions like like Am I that useless, etc. I really think I'm not excelling much in anything significant after all. So maybe that's why I got on the defensive right away. Rachel must have suffered my eternal complaints and criticisms against that girl I used to admire.
I mean she's a Christian and all. And she must really feel special being such. I remember that feeling of really having some connection to a greater whole. I guess I don't have that now. But I have another track- my first entry as reference. I won't extrapolate on it here. I feel like I'd lose that focus if I advertise it to everyone. But I think the path I've chosen is good too. I just need some convincing that I'd be great on it. I should never begin my path in some abstraction but on lived reality.
Perhaps those two things bother me most. She reminds me of the former and I think- or feel rather- that I'm still insufficient for the latter. I need some serious discernment. I guess I have Rory to thank for that. I really don't buy these Christian authors eclat.
Maybe her purpose of lending me the book is not to point out my being average, but what I feel as my being not good- on my own standards. Maybe it's motivation for excellence not based on standards and deviation but based on what I feel I could do to feel that I'm at my best.
A clear evidence of that is that I don't admire her based on comparisson, but based on how she sees herself. I think we all need that introspection.
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I still don't know what to write in my philo logbook- let alone something to doodle on that 15 page paper which is only based on a four hour activity!!!
GMA's 10 cabinet members have resigned. They are also convincing her to resign. Still don't know how to assess this but I agree on the resignation part.
Eric thought he has found what he's looking for (like the U2 song. lol!). These days, he's not even sure whether he's actually looking for something. And, he's tired of riding on other people's dreams, assuming purposeful identities. He figures life's not about how we think we figure in the "larger scheme of things" (thus, "The Identity Myth"). Rather, it's about finding what compels and weighs us down to live another day, and pursuing just that. He chronicles various life happenings alluding to the identity myth, because in the end he recognizes that obsessing about it is inevitable, and human (and sometimes pathetic and shallow).
Oh, he's undecided between survival and bliss (like the Alanis song). And his favourite pastime is to fluctuate between despair and hope.