It's been quite a week. Beside the usual tons of readings for Philo class, I had 2 freakin' long tests and a report. Thank God, tomorrow's a holiday, which is such a nice break from the perpetual ordeal of schoolwork- which should be "school/work" really. It was fun listening to new ideas but some exams are just over the edge. Teachers often trivialize exams to the point where you just have to memorize stuff. Thank God, not all courses I'm taking are about our would-be profession. We can really learn something that applies to everyone, more than stupid data centers and microchips.
I really don't have something special to talk about right now. I mean most of my thoughts are in my notebook anyway. What's the point of writing them again? Is it for other people? Not to be rude, but people reading others' stuff frequently have a notion that they know the writer, with just his words. But come on! This is just how I want to seem in this specific mode of existence.
...
Someone is exuding negativity. I really have had enough of this kid who feels as if he's a victim of the world. Come on, grow up you, you, you pesky little urchin! It was really unnerving talking to you. I mean, you actually look older than me, although you're still probably in your teens. If you happen to breeze through this part, forgive me for describing you in such scant words. It's just that I have had the same experience back in high school. And you're achingly getting into my nerves.
Things to look forward - or to dread - this weekend and next week. Tutoring, 1 movie, Philo paper results, ISA, POS exam results(!), real start of PM project.
Oh! I'm about to finish Rendezvous with Rama c/o Andie and Celestine Prophecy. Rama is way more fascinating than other sci-fi stuff. Must finish both by tomorrow. Jane Eyre will be up after these two, but I guess I'd begin by September. A lot of readings for Philo and other school stuff in queue - exams, projects, papers, exams again. This is absolute injustice.
Ha.. I just need something to push me to write whenever I'm in a let's-step-back-and-look-at-our-lives mood, when I really have something important to say. Or maybe this is another mask I want to wear. Or both. This mask thing really got into me after the lecture on hypocrisy in Philo class.
"Identity myth" because the author of this blog refuses to partake in the quest for acquiring any sense of certainty when it comes to knowing ourselves, how we figure in the bigger scheme of things, and all the nut crap about purpose and "who we really are". The author hopes that his words allude to this myth, which everybody else is after, whether they know it or not.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
sabotage
Blogger got rid of my post last night. When I tried publishing it, blogger asked for my username and password again. Gaaah. I just have to re-type everything again I guess. Oh I'm in Faura lab right now. I'm the only one in the room so it's quite eerie. Hmm hmm hmm hmm! Ken's horror story got stuck in my head.
Two excerpt chapters and an entire book for Philo class. *BANG* the lab supervisor just made her entrance. Civilization at last. Let's get back on track. Yep, I read everything last Monday to Tuesday morning, with only 3 hours of sleep in between. That was due yesterday, just for one lecture! Readings were okay except that there were just a lot of them! Even if there's the weekend, can't he possibly imagine us living non-reading/non-school related lives?
Anywho, my entry last night was about the goings-on last weekend. Forgive my apathy about politics ladies and gentlemen.
-Friday. Went late for a GA for some ten minutes (I love the Dance Troupe), and a gang group thing for Kaingin. It was all okay except for the first. I just don't know most of them. And the gang group thing was a disaster! We were told to describe people in our gang. Stupid me ended up writing some flattering remarks for this certain someone. I shouldn't have written it! Must not draw attention.
- Went to Andie's after my first sabotage. Dug through her treasures of DVDs and finally got Devil's Advocate and The Godfather. It was raining heavily so I decided to stay some more hours. She tortured me with a classic film - literally black and white. Well, it was not so bad. The film was really funny, slapstick and the fast paced chit chat. And good Lord, all-American accent got me lost. I couldn't follow any dialogue.
She offered me an apple and honey snack half-way through watching the film, after I implied that I did not eat anything since the org stuff. How kind, I thought. Honey and apple seemed to be a great combination for a snack. But oh no! NO NO NO! The third slice of honey-coated apple chocked to death. I couldn't breath for some three minutes! And my dear friend just stood there handing me the mirror telling me how red I was while I choking to death. She was totally nonchalant about it. I eventually recovered. I finished a portion of the black and white movie, got the DVDs and left.
- Saturday afternoon was tutoring time. Everything was great except that we had to teach in cramped spaces. We taught the children their math and english lessons inside their houses. The kids were fine except for a few excessively timid ones. The Kaingin crowd was okay too. It's just that I still don't know most of them. I hope those kids did learn something from us.
-This is not another activity but I thought to write it down all the same. I didn't go to Romps's party. It was a good call because a certain dame whom I utterly detest was invited along with some more MIS peeps. And booze is not my kind of fun.
-Watched four movies. I am Sam(!), Patch Adams(!!), Devil's Advocate(!!!), The Godfather (oh yeah!). I was a bit annoyed that I didn't understand some of Don Carleon's murmured chit chats. He sounds like he's chewing words. Anyway, the movie was great. Corruption at its best. I am Sam was okay too but it's a bit mushy. Style was okay too. The mtv-like scenes with the lively music and the jerky camera were effective in capturing emotions. Patch Adams was a good flick too, though it borders on the same mushiness as I am Sam. I got a warm feeling after watching it. The Devil's Advocate and The Godfather were the ones that really tackles this corrupt world. They sure are two good movies.
Oh, sister passed her exams and would be leaving for a 5-year study/work in Canada. University of Toronto come this October I think. I would be left alone soon. We'll see if that would be a good thing for me. I think I've forgiven her already, not that I want to seem like I'm the victim in our long enduring war. I just that I think I'm okay with all that have happened between us. But I'm still as irked as before whenever she does what she wants despite others objecting.
Now I'm here in Faura Lab making some sense of what I just have written down. I'll be going to my dentist later. I hope she wouldn't debate me about GMA issue again. She gets too passionate and edgy whenever we do. She tends to jerk those dentist tools in my mouth whenever that happens.
Two excerpt chapters and an entire book for Philo class. *BANG* the lab supervisor just made her entrance. Civilization at last. Let's get back on track. Yep, I read everything last Monday to Tuesday morning, with only 3 hours of sleep in between. That was due yesterday, just for one lecture! Readings were okay except that there were just a lot of them! Even if there's the weekend, can't he possibly imagine us living non-reading/non-school related lives?
Anywho, my entry last night was about the goings-on last weekend. Forgive my apathy about politics ladies and gentlemen.
-Friday. Went late for a GA for some ten minutes (I love the Dance Troupe), and a gang group thing for Kaingin. It was all okay except for the first. I just don't know most of them. And the gang group thing was a disaster! We were told to describe people in our gang. Stupid me ended up writing some flattering remarks for this certain someone. I shouldn't have written it! Must not draw attention.
- Went to Andie's after my first sabotage. Dug through her treasures of DVDs and finally got Devil's Advocate and The Godfather. It was raining heavily so I decided to stay some more hours. She tortured me with a classic film - literally black and white. Well, it was not so bad. The film was really funny, slapstick and the fast paced chit chat. And good Lord, all-American accent got me lost. I couldn't follow any dialogue.
She offered me an apple and honey snack half-way through watching the film, after I implied that I did not eat anything since the org stuff. How kind, I thought. Honey and apple seemed to be a great combination for a snack. But oh no! NO NO NO! The third slice of honey-coated apple chocked to death. I couldn't breath for some three minutes! And my dear friend just stood there handing me the mirror telling me how red I was while I choking to death. She was totally nonchalant about it. I eventually recovered. I finished a portion of the black and white movie, got the DVDs and left.
- Saturday afternoon was tutoring time. Everything was great except that we had to teach in cramped spaces. We taught the children their math and english lessons inside their houses. The kids were fine except for a few excessively timid ones. The Kaingin crowd was okay too. It's just that I still don't know most of them. I hope those kids did learn something from us.
-This is not another activity but I thought to write it down all the same. I didn't go to Romps's party. It was a good call because a certain dame whom I utterly detest was invited along with some more MIS peeps. And booze is not my kind of fun.
-Watched four movies. I am Sam(!), Patch Adams(!!), Devil's Advocate(!!!), The Godfather (oh yeah!). I was a bit annoyed that I didn't understand some of Don Carleon's murmured chit chats. He sounds like he's chewing words. Anyway, the movie was great. Corruption at its best. I am Sam was okay too but it's a bit mushy. Style was okay too. The mtv-like scenes with the lively music and the jerky camera were effective in capturing emotions. Patch Adams was a good flick too, though it borders on the same mushiness as I am Sam. I got a warm feeling after watching it. The Devil's Advocate and The Godfather were the ones that really tackles this corrupt world. They sure are two good movies.
Oh, sister passed her exams and would be leaving for a 5-year study/work in Canada. University of Toronto come this October I think. I would be left alone soon. We'll see if that would be a good thing for me. I think I've forgiven her already, not that I want to seem like I'm the victim in our long enduring war. I just that I think I'm okay with all that have happened between us. But I'm still as irked as before whenever she does what she wants despite others objecting.
Now I'm here in Faura Lab making some sense of what I just have written down. I'll be going to my dentist later. I hope she wouldn't debate me about GMA issue again. She gets too passionate and edgy whenever we do. She tends to jerk those dentist tools in my mouth whenever that happens.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
metamorphosis/psychosis
Nothing deep really. I just want to talk about Philo class, which I still love despite tons of workload. Father David just has his way of getting into people's heads I think. Whatever we talk about in class does apply to how we live. I mean more than those superfluous and exaggerated lessons on citizenship, he adds other real-life stuff that makes the lessons strike home. Whenever I leave the class, I strangely feel like I know what to do with my life. Okay maybe that's giving him too much credit, but the class has that sort of effect on me. And only a few teachers really have that effect on me.
More than the feeling the need to change, I feel that I want to and I'm ready for it. I really need that. For a time I've been in that hopeless state. Now, I'm definitely ready for change. I have had enough obsessing about the past and all those bad things today that remind me of of it.
I believe I've changed a lot. My friends would probably think otherwise. I never colored my hair or got taller even an inch. I still got my braces and I'm still quiet around new people, and still noisy around familiar crowd. What they don't see is the way I think know. Not that I'm smarter or anything, but that the issues I used to obsessed about in the past have lost their importance. My attitude towards how to live has changed profoundly I think. I'm losing the bitterness I've felt for a long long long time. I'm better.
More than the feeling the need to change, I feel that I want to and I'm ready for it. I really need that. For a time I've been in that hopeless state. Now, I'm definitely ready for change. I have had enough obsessing about the past and all those bad things today that remind me of of it.
I believe I've changed a lot. My friends would probably think otherwise. I never colored my hair or got taller even an inch. I still got my braces and I'm still quiet around new people, and still noisy around familiar crowd. What they don't see is the way I think know. Not that I'm smarter or anything, but that the issues I used to obsessed about in the past have lost their importance. My attitude towards how to live has changed profoundly I think. I'm losing the bitterness I've felt for a long long long time. I'm better.
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