Thursday, September 10, 2009

sanity. anytime. beybeh.

Gah.. I know, the title's a futile attempt at humor. I'm desperate. I need it. It's one of those let's-take-a-step-back-and-look-at-your-life moments. It's haunting me yet again. It's the -ber months. 3 months to go before the new year. I'm so anxious. It scares me that maybe this same day next year, I'd still feel stuck and unable to embarace life's supposed inexhaustible possibilities for bliss; that I'd feel like I haven't achieved anything substantial; or that I'd still feel like some outsider to the world.

Maybe I haven't done enough to really forget everything about my bitter and sordid past. Yuck. If I trully sum it up, it won't even amount to a 5-minute movie teaser really. What does it take to really really embrace all pain and really move forward? And I think it's not only the past. What is it now that keeps me from celebrating all thing?

Sometimes, I'm too angry that I forget what I'm angry about. And that's what's really funny I guess about this .

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