Sociopathy has yet to get a hold of me. Okay, that's fiction. I was supposed to rant about how my usual distant-but-near feeling-for people when I talk get all messed up whenever a friend gets really annoyed at my relentless pursuit of being the joker, until I realized that it would be fruitless. Imagine, these stupid things happening in the realm of friendship- luckily, only on that level.
Meanwhile on the physical plane... nothing. Well, planning is not exactly real is it? It's there above people's heads waiting for actual utilization. Plans, plans, and more plans for papers, for groupworks and projects. Layman's translation: WHAT? That's exactly my state of being right now. Well, "doing something" is very subjective indeed, so I'm quite at a lost to explain things. Okay, not just planning. I quit Chinoy. I thought it was the right thing to do because I wouldn't find any fulfillment in the task- and I'd probably come up with stupid articles anyway. I think my part wasn't any special so my absence wouldn't count. So, no damage there. On to other projects!
A friend's leaving for China. After what seems like a 6-month long hiatus on commmunication between us (I mean, the group (?)), she announced yesterday that she's leaving for China just like that! Isn't that great? There's very few friends and everyone's leaving.
I can't take it. Rant mode from paragraph one: Ugh, it sucks big time, especially when you've invested in friendship- or the mere probability of it. Yeah, I guess I'm the kind of joker who considers something as shallow(?) as that holy. I'm well grounded on such principles. It sucks big time when such connections are rendered trivial. Worse, it ruins my capacity to be comfortable with people, which already takes up a lot of my energies.
I really should understand experience as a gift more than anything else. It takes a lot of courage to do this.
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