the lost phone

Ugh, I lost my cellphone on the train to cubao- I realized it on my way to the grocery store- really stupid. For the average lad up the hill, or even throughout the archipelago, really, it may not be worth much. But to me, it's the only connection to civilization- apart from the internet. This is big time. I'm probably living without one for an entire two months, unless I buy one of those 1k++ phones somewhere in Quiapo. They're probably stolen- and I'd probably get jailed- but I'd have a cellphone. Okay, I'm being too honest here...

It's encroaching, creeping in really slowly, but no way subtly. I know I'm in no way taking care of myself, but I want peeps important to me to understand that I'm getting there- and fervently wanting to get there. I no longer want to rely too much on anyone anymore, and see later that peeps get hurt because my weakness- oh yes people, rule #1: irony is truth. Now, things lost bear great toll; in a sense, I'm on my own to build things for myself. I feel that, very strongly. I'm trying not to ask for anything anymore from anyone, at least for the things I need. I want to be content with what's given and work for things that I need further.

You broke it you buy it. I'm making this a rule of life for myself. Now, I'm trying to sell new age and occult books, if anyone is interested just comment here. I'm also planning to showcase them to my beloved Celadon peeps in the future. To the Jesuits, I'm encouraging scholarly attitude towards these demonized mysticisms of various religions. I'm in no way encouraging heresy.

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In another drama, is it possible to resent something that had not been yours in the first place? Anyway, I realized that the "pain" I was carrying for the first two years of college- from highschool- had been completely imaginary. During those times, it was a realignment of my entire aim at life that got me over it but I think realizing how stupid it was could have been more efficient motivating me to move forward. The pain is still there, and I don't think it'll be gone. Getting over it seems more like the pain being part of who you are more than it being completely erased from memory. Beautiful people to me are those who have been hurt but still thriving. Perhaps I'm aiming to be in the same league.

This is too much a hackneyed term, but I guess I'm a lot stronger now. My ability to get hurt pushes me forward- wanting to experience more from this world. Okay, that's really hackneyed. I'm ready, I guess- though I fear a lot of things. I'm not too lost and afraid now; there's an aim that I'm after. Thank God and the people who have rescued me. Rule #2: most cliches are true anyway.

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Things to look forward this week:
1. Dinner with kids I grew up with- sponsored by karotski! Probably a movie later.
2. Reformating my HD. Nothing seems to fix my sound problem. Music, thereafter!
3. Gascon class! Woohoo! Old school teaching and he's super wise, mind, not "smart"- a lot of vain smarties Teachs these days.
4. Indian movie at Ken's with Ka and company. It's only his own obsession actually.
5. Finish Foucault's History of Sexuality Vol 2 and 3. Feeling smart? I'm a wannabe smarty anyway.