the drama continues (in my head of course)

Sabi nga ni Mr. McLaughlin,

"A life goes by.
Romantic dreams must die.
And I bid mine goodbye..."

And to think just last thursday I watched that stupid X-Files movie with a friend. Something about not giving up, losing it, not surrendering to whatever darkness-hooblah Scully was blabbering about. But I got it. I Knew- whatever the hell they were talking about. Very Gabriel Marcel. A different kind of surrender. A surender that puts a premium on action- not on despair (the film puts some more ellipses on The God Issue, but what the hell). And now, this equally ridic song.

Shet. That's something. That's the universe telling me something crucial.

And the song doesn't end there either. Just like a possible trajectory of my life, the song continues,

"... So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you.
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close."

And ends with,

"We're so close
To reaching that famous happy end.
Almost believing this was not pretend
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are
So close.
So close
And still so far."

Psychotherapy. Anyone?

tell me it's my story

Fortunately- or unfortunately, depending on my mood- I'm still here wandering among well-trained docile bodies of the work world. I don't find it depressing, but I still flinch at the idea that I'd be doing the same the thing for the rest of my life. And(!) I'm not even at the point of doing actual work err... efficiently,which is practically a tell tale sign of my impending doom (i.e. getting sacked?). I'm giving myself time to adjust, be good at it, and all those sickly sentimentalities on "self-actualization" sold by the corporate world. Anyway, we bitter people should give it a chance. Otherwise, we won't really know whether it sucks or not. And, why not if it gives us a chance to learn something else other than err bitterness, right? I mean, spending half your life on what-could-have-been's, what you can never have/be/etc, among other permutations of despair gets a bit boring after a while, right?

So yes, let's give life a chance, no matter its form. Let's stop moping and leave Hemmingway and Camus for a while. Let's do this! Let's think that the world may actually be about us. As my friend Ken cogently put it (over dinner with Ka yesterday), God loves him and the universe actually talks to him. I mean I can channel that feeling, can't I? Yeah, let's think Paulo Coelho- or maybe leaf through my sister's A Purpose Driven Life. Ooh, Que sera sera... Meh. But really I'm pushing myself, mainly because I want to be independent in all aspects of my life, as much as possible.

Aside from the above-mentioned everyday drama, I think I'm doing well- not, in anyway, financially or career-wise of course. But surprisingly I do manage my expenses efficiently. And, on some obscure chance, I manage to earn new friends and build on my old relationships. Lol! I'm such a sad person. Like I really have to say it! Just yesterday I had dinner at Fat Michael's, which by the by has very good salad and pizza, with Ka and Ken. And last friday, I had dinner with DS shiftees college friends at Bollywood (Indian cuisine!). And everyweek I get to have lunch with one or two other college friends. Ha! And I even volunteered for my Highschool's (Sakya) Alumni Association. Beat that. Besdies that, I have time for books and dibidi's on weekends. And come june or later, maybe I can even get into ACED's volunteer work again on weekends. I guess we can call that life.

arggggh!

Pressure pressure. I didn't think it will be like this. Give me a year at most. Must stay on track. Give me hope. Shet. Yun lang. Bow.