no classes today

When Kris and his what's-his-name-again pseudo-husband came marching to Makati to "commemorate the first EDSA people power", which usually means "down with the government", I was on my on my toes expecting the worst out of this story. True enough, the story this time became juicier when the weekend came, juicier than the Oakwood Mutiny Story. Our minuscule president declared a national state of emergency last friday- or was it saturday- sacking Maj. Gen. Miranda, supposedly a coup plotter, and shutting down the Tribune. Of course, Chief of staff Mike Defensor would have to defend the "media gag" on TV, making it more difficult for peeps to adore her mole. She is profoundly estranged from the people- basking in the support of her cronies and her "I am the mandated president of the Philippines"- yeah right!

In the end it would be Gloria-kin that would take over the government. Politics is there above us, impervious to common man. While Tita Cory was revving up for yet another show, Mang Pablo was busy selling his taho in our streets. But he would have joined Cory if only she had another Ninoy beside her. Something ridiculously appaling must happen to bring people out to the streets. It's only on the level of principles that they argue their basis for ousting the president. This is precisely why people don't get to the streets. What exactly is the opposition fighting for? I'm more inclined to believe that it's just power and not the principles behind this democracy.

To GMA, please get more clever advisers. You should know that people in this country are too excited about martial law- and too obsessed about asserting their rights. And, Imee Marcos, please stop joining the prayer vigils. You make me sick! To the marine boys, I commend you for being trendy- usong-uso na people power ngayon!

See, I was doing school stuff and when it was declared yesterday that we have no classes today. It wasn't really much of a bad thing since I haven't studied properly for two exams. Politics is really a major entertainment, a major break from the work world. Now, back to my reality...

blind spot

Things are really pilling up! I have 2 papers, 1 case study, and major research due within the week- add to that various emplyment exams. The world's rushing us and there's definitely not a minute for bumming around. And why, you say, am I here doodling my most inane thoughts? Well, it's a sort of stress reliever. Since I've depleted the bars of chocolates stocked in my fridge, this would be a proper alternative- well almost.

Shockers. I think I failed the Chikka exam last saturday. My friends figured that, after having four years of university education, we became dumber. I was cursing myself during the math part of the exam. I used to be really really fast in this subject but in the exam, I used all the time required for the part. Twas really frustrating to realize that the math part of my brain doesn't work very well as before. Heh, and I think I will get a few points from the linguistic part of the exam- why the f*** do they even call it that if it has reading comprehension and "text twist" type of questions. Iris said it was an easy test and I really think I'm getting more stupid. I missed the Fujitsu test and ITM group work- not that I really count as someone skilled in that group either- for this test. A friend said that Fujitsu exam was more difficult than Accenture's. Would it count if I know some nihonggo?

See, I'm all about insecurity. Sorry for the peeps I've been with for the past few weeks. I was either sick laughing my ass off or totally grouchy over almost any stuff. It's really a problem when you fear both the post grad scenario and the tons of homework for every course. I do want to believe that all things will go for the better but somehow illusions don't convince me anymore. It's probably vague optimism that I'm after that's why I don't feel alright. I've told my Mother about my plans after grad and I'm very happy she agreed. I plan to take another course after working for a year or two. This time I'll get the program I really want and be serious. It still depends though whether the work world will be friendly to me or otherwise. The point is I have a sort of path to tread. No matter how cheesy it may sound, it holds true that such a feeling makes one want to persist. Still, sappy but what the heck!

borrowed heaven

It's something inner that trembles whenever I listen to such songs. Both gratitude and finitude appears harmoniously in this state of mind. Not that the song alone brought this about, although it really helped, but that the moment you realize how tight you grip on certain thoughts-of immutable stuff, you get the feeling of ewan- I don't know how to put it words anyway. Wierd, I know. But isn't it exactly through this way that we come to find ourselves in this world? Amorphous and floating about the vacuum will only left us more confused, right? Do we just let go of these "realities" that we've come to know as something very real to us? It may sound stupid but we try to get a hold of something ill-defined which we supposed to be ourselves, to be true, etc- when in reality it's based on the same ill-defined stuff. Permanence, is it meaningless to shape it from something in constant flux?

How do you do the opposite? Fear is my motivation of doing the former- I fear doing the latter. I guess, in the end, my perrennial question will persist: It's a BIG STORY but is it my own? Yes, they may not be mutually exclusive, I do acknowledge that. Maybe, I'm really selfish after all. But isn't it a valid selfishness. We were, but we're clueless, ergo the illusion of permanence- even the worship of it to some extent. We feel the need to create myths of the flux and of our won to counter that not-quite stuff which we are part of. Something's wrong definitely in doing so.

Now, I'm giving too much away. I need some serious fizzy drink. Being a Joker makes it hard to be really affected. Yes, this entry ends perfectly well with another effort to concretize the witness. I'm not him by the way.

blasted! the lost entry!

Nooooo! After editing some parts of my template and saving it, an entry got deleted! Arggh! It was my first entry for this month! I really think it's a good one! I swear I didn't accidently clicked any delete buttons! It's gone! Damn, I made some back-ups just for security.

The entry was about the creepy guy and the movie proof. I won't try recreating the stuff because, same thing with my sketches, I can only make unique things- cannot clone any of 'em. In essence- oh yes I do put some in serious entries- It's about how group of peeps function. In the first topic, it's about glorifying the normal in order for a group to direct itself, thereby conceptualizing "the outcast". It's about the creepy guy Celadon peeps fear or, more appropriately, hate. It also has some major criticism for most of these peeps- too insecure to have their own sense of inviduality, ergo the ostracism. Hehe! It doesn't feel right to say these things blatantly. The second part of the lost entry is the same group thing, althought this time it's happening within the person. The person is my friend who measures her worth based on the celebrated values in our civilization. Afterwards, a short review of the movie Proof.

Okay, I definitely feel stupid after divulging what I meant through my doodles. I need some major changes in my blog too. I feel like everything's in it getting old.