It's a phrase from the novel Celestine Prophecy I'm net yet quite sure whether to judge it stupid and not-so-well researched. The novel could've passed for a handbook, the story's so planned- so obvious thet themes discussed never flourished quite naturally. It lacks subtlety I guess. It could've been the A Purpose Driven Life for those attracted to eastern religions or the "occult"-which is not so much occult anymore as I've mentioned in a past entry. For those of you wierded out by the term, it means the kind of drama we play, while socializing with others, to suck out the energy from other peeps. It's when a person, for instance, plays aloof to gain attention. It's a way of a person to suck energy- the book suggest that we should get that energy from the world instead of other peeps. There's other ways to suck energy out of peeps of course- being the intimidator for instance, playing the victim, and such and such. Maybe in layman's term, the phrase means a way for a person to take up attention of another peep. I think the point's made already. This paragraph is getting ridiculously long.

I won't mention the person of course. I mean she's not worth even a sentence. Yes she can be the nicest friend when you're around her, but often she plays out her control drama very well- okay that's more than a sentence. She seems to suck out my energy very efficiently. Well perhaps I do care- she plays the "I'm the victim" control drama- 'coz she's a friend, but she always exagerate things. Ugh, forgive the word, she can be the perfect bitch at times. Good luck. I don't have the luxury of time to spend convincing myself I did nothing wrong. Once again, ugh! She's a friend, she deserves a paragraph.

I, too, have my own control drama. I deliver it very well whenever I'm in that silent mode. Wahaha! But I think I'm losing it gradually now. I'm beginning to move out of myself in a way- it's up to you to interpret that! Hehe! There's just some peeps who talk about themselves quite shamelessly. I think I was like that until recently. Efforts to enjoy experience really helped out a lot. There's a lot of peeps who seem to deem the world as a story about themselves- they even pre-occupies themselves with psych tests, narrations of their own legends and fairty tales. Hmm, I'm being a bit narrow-minded here... Maybe that aspect of our consciousness cannot be taken out us- after all this is our own story- but a lot of peeps seems to have too much of it. Even in their self-proclaimed reflections, it's not about the experience anymore but the way they objectify it with their idea of themselves participating. This is sick. I was sick for quite a while.

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I also discovered recently that, for the most part, people don't want you to reveal who you really are. They often prefer sophistication. What's the "real" you is arguable 'coz there's no such finality. I mean to say here that people generally want you to hide or make subtle those real motives in socializing with them. They often freak out whenever they detect some "uncouth" form of words, gestures, or attitude. Heck, even I am like this. We prefer culture. However, with friends, you expect that such wall be dismantled even for just a bit. Without a show of how you really mean to be to another person such realtionship cannot happen. I always say that friendship also involves risk- much like a romantic relationship really, though more on another level- sometimes deeper, sometimes lighter. I'm trying to break down walls around me so as to welcome witnesses and also for me to witness "real" faces, but there's just some peeps who seem to either hate to show themselves or hate what they see beyond my wall- despite the the length of time we've spend together. Ugh, it's all too simple really. I just don't want to make this sound like a cliche, thus the bit of drama.

I'd like to further rethinking friendship. It's never possible when either of the party is obssesed with sophistication- I mean social sophistication. Then again, why would you listen to someone who've spent half his life on the borders of society. Kill me now! Hehe! I really miss my friends. I've even edited our picture- Just the usual 4- to make our faces look smooth! Hehe! I know, pathetic right? I didn't have anything to do yesterday so I looked at some of our pics then later decides to mess with them. Here it is. Sorry guys! Wahahaha!

From left to right: Ka, Nes, Me in my favourite shirt, and Ken. These are the three of my closest friends. We go way back from prep school. Great peeps! Pic was taken last summer(?) in a cafe.

Forgive me for editing it too much! I thought posting this pic would somehow lighten the general mood of my blog. Hehe! There's a lot more to come. Oh! You can stalk them through me if if you're interested in any of them okay? Hehe!










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Gonna watch Goblet of Fire tomorrow!!! I'm hyper excited already! I've been looking forward to this since last week! Can't Wait!!! Got a meeting from1- 5! What a drag!!! Arghh!

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